


of immortal white carnations & uneaten peaches

by thegreatmoon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Angst, Established Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Non-Chronological
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22351300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatmoon/pseuds/thegreatmoon
Summary: every year taeil drives through the night in the direction of autumn to meet his lovely, lonely god
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Moon Taeil
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58
Collections: Winwin Fic Fest Round 1





	of immortal white carnations & uneaten peaches

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the prompter !!! always wanted to try a non chronological narrative and this prompt sounded just perfect for it 
> 
> thank you jess with your research and kindness ): an adorable beta indeed
> 
> this fic is really important and talks about death a lot. it bothers me that in fiction most of the times death is seen as something to trick or runaway from. why fight the only certain thing we have in our lives?

_❝ in_ _life is death. in death is rebirth. what then is life without death? life unchanging, everlasting, eternal? what is it but death-death without rebirth?❞_  
**URSULA K LE GUIN**

Death was often found in dark highways at night. When thunderstorms and heavy rain followed, it was hard to see the road ahead and each strike of lightning across the sky was a small shock to a tense heart. Yet, Taeil couldn’t find it in himself to be frightened of it. He rather liked driving on highways when there was heavy rain. City skyscrapers wouldn’t let the lightning be seen and only thunder was heard. There, in the open fields, the scratch of light in the middle of darkness was a beautiful spectacle to the driver, who rode further on its direction. 

Admiring such an image wasn’t the only of Taeil’s comforting thoughts that night. He did not worry about road accidents and, most of all, knew what was to be found just after that last summer thunderstorm. It was more than autumn leaves or the end of the heat. Taeil’s foot stepped down on the gas pedal and the yellow Porsche 911 roared on its old engine. It crossed the night, watching the storm pass away as a last goodbye to warm humid summer nights and going for the horizon. Soon, light that didn’t come from rain started to rise, brightening the scrape slowly. When the sun had completely washed over the view with its light, Taeil knew he had arrived. 

He turned the yellow car to a small road which gave way to a bamboo forest. The plants hid a beautiful natural paradise that was a beach just under the forest’s cliff. Many were the times Taeil’s eyes laid on those waters and yet they always brought something different with them. That day they gave him the bittersweet feeling of memory. Never had he seen them as tempestuous as that day, the tides were probably victims of last night’s storm, but the waves didn’t look any less welcoming. 

Taeil carelessly parked the Porsche between the bamboos, knowing that no one else would venture to that forsaken road, and climbed down an immense amount of wooden stairs that would lead him to sand. He looked rather odd for someone going to the beach, wearing a leather jacket and jeans, along with a dark shirt, but didn’t intend on merely going to the sea so there was no purpose on dressing differently. When he was in the middle of the staircase, his eyes landed on a human form of a man, sitting on the edge of the cliff and in the shadow of a big tree, throwing rocks into the sea. Taeil sighed, but there was no other option left besides redoing his path. He walked among the bamboos once again, taking the left path, and found the person, boredly throwing rocks as the sun rose behind him. His white hair matched his lose beige clothing perfectly. Taeil stopped to take in the image before him. When his rocks were done, the man looked at Taeil with a smile. 

“A peach?” Sicheng offered, a sly smile softening his hard features. Taeil loved how his plump lips would open to reveal his cracked left tooth, turning a serious god-like figure into a sweet young thing. That particular smile especially amused him, as Sicheng was often to curl his lips higher when thinking himself too smart. 

“No, thank you,” Taeil said, walking to sit next to Sicheng on the cliff. Their legs hang on the edge, with only the sea down below as the closest ground for them. Sicheng smelled of the strange combination of fresh peaches and salt.

“You’re insufferable,” the white-haired huffed and Taeil smiled, thinking how delightful it was to be able to annoy him so quickly after so long. “Did you know it’s impolite to refuse something offered to you?”

“You should offer me something other than peaches then,” Taeil advised, ignoring Sicheng’s pout and wrapping their hands together. If the deity of the sun wasted her time with such things, Taeil thought she especially liked Sicheng‘s features, for she brightened them perfectly. No flaw was to be seen where light touched, he was beautifully carved marble, no matter if appearing annoyed or not. 

“I have nothing else,” Sicheng whispered, eyes dropping low as he shook his head. With a few words, the joke had lost its flavor, the cloud had struck a shadow over them, and Taeil’s grasp on Sicheng’s hand was fainter. Taeil lost his smile, thinking how little it took for sadness to wash over them. 

He took Sicheng’s hand in his and placed a small kiss over it. It was a small reassurance, but much better than any words he could offer. They enjoyed each other’s presence on the cliff in silence, Taeil’s head on Sicheng’s shoulder, eyes on the waters in front of them. 

As the sun reached the middle of the sky, so did the two walk down the flight of stairs to step on to the beach. Taeil was marveled to see his oasis again after so long, that was his little piece of paradise, but Sicheng seemed rather unaffected by it. Instead, he was much more amused to watch his lover’s happiness with it. 

Taeil undressed completely to taste the sea. The water was warm and it was easy for him to get past the waves. Sicheng accompanied him clothless. The water was warm and the soft sand tickled their feet.

“Remember when you taught me how to swim?” Taeil asked, water on the level of his deeply scarred and sunkissed chest. “Now I’m sure I can beat you,” he teased, a devious smile on his lips. 

“You can try,” Sicheng replied calmly. 

“Race to the house?” 

“We should take the boat, Illie,” the white-haired said with concern. 

“Scared I’ll beat you?” His partner teased on. In the end, Sicheng knew he would try swimming to their island whether there was a race or not. Something peculiar about Taeil was that, no matter what crazy idea he put into his mind, he would try it to be certain of its failure or success. It was one of the first things that had attracted Sicheng in the first place. That and his calm and passionate presence. Taeil made Sicheng believe everything was possible, a mortal teaching that to a god, and Sicheng wanted to believe everything he said was true. 

However, after so many years together, that blind optimism would sometimes annoy Sicheng, who saw clearly how it was linked to his lover’s borderline self destructive behavior. His mortal would never admit his own path towards death, claiming that was the essence of life itself, while his god could do nothing but watch.

Many lies there were about gods and deities, the biggest one of them was how they meddled with mortals as they wished. They did no such thing. Existing to maintain the values they preached for, gods could be of assistance and help, but rarely ever could they change human affairs so drastically, even when bonded to one of them. So, knowing of his limitations as a powerful being, Sicheng nodded, and watched his love excitedly swim against the tide towards their shared house. 

Rocking their bodies against the water, the competition was fierce. Taeil had been a good learner over the years, spending so many autumns and winters together in their paradise was sure to make him an expert in swimming, yet he was still human. He needed air and rest. He stopped midway to the house, breathless in the middle of the ocean. 

Sicheng hadn’t noticed his partner wasn’t next to him for a minute, thinking he had simply surpassed him, but came around to it. When he saw Taeil gasping for air, muscles tired from swimming in the open sea, he furiously swam to where his lover was, embracing him in his arms so there was no risk of drowning. 

“There, there… You mortals should stop trying to overdo yourselves…” he scolded, holding Taeil bridal style in his arms. Even after an almost-death experience, his beauty didn’t compare. Wet hair stuck to his forehead, lips moist from the sea water and sweet smile showing his teeth, Taeil didn’t look any less gorgeous than any other day. Years could go by and yet it was like the same Taeil hopping off his car fifteen years ago. 

“But where’s the fun in that, Chengie?” He asked, but coughed water out of his lungs the next second. 

“You don’t die,” Sicheng replied after helping him get all the water out. 

The small coughing attack didn’t seem to affect Taeil’s confidence in the slightest. “Easy for you to say, immortal deity.”

His god rolled his eyes, “At least I’m not a stubborn human. Can I bring the boat now?”

Taeil had been defeated by the sea and accepted Sicheng’s offer. With a flick of his fingers, the boat came from underwater and Taeil was put safely in it, along with a warm towel. The boat brought them to their sweet home on their small island without any further discussion taking place. 

  
  
  
  


Easily, as they had done all those years before, Taeil and Sicheng fell into a routine. It consisted of them doing whatever they wanted that day, but the activities did repeat themselves often. There were times where they felt very eager on exploring nature, so they dived on the open sea that surrounded the house, watching the beautiful underwater life unfold before their eyes. Taeil would always share excitedly about seeing a manatee or turtle, and Sicheng wouldn’t tell if he had asked the druids that lived nearby to wash some of those beings down their river so they could come to their sea. Seeing Taeil happily point at the animals he found was adorable, as if that man had just become a child again before his eyes. Together, they would also wander around their bamboo forest in search for unaware pandas that lived there and ate the plants. Sometimes a baby panda would get lost from their parents and Taeil and Sicheng took their time pampering it before returning the baby to its mother’s arms. The god would tease his mortal about wanting more than baby pandas and the other would snort it off, claiming deities loved making babies all around the world, but it was hard they would take care of them.

“Thought that after all those years you’d see me differently than those of my kind,” Sicheng said, feeding the baby panda that was magically kept on Taeil’s lap with a small bamboo. 

The mortal frowned, “I do see you differently, Chengie. You’re my equal, but for only two seasons a year and our child could not be raised like this…” 

“I would change that if I could.”

“Every year you tell me that and every year I believe you. It’s out of your hands,” Taeil murmured melancholically, taking one of his hands from the panda and holding his lover’s instead. “Please don’t be upset…”

“This is just too much,” the god murmured, turning his head to the ground. “I hate endings.”

“Don’t you tell me an eternal being hates when things come to an end? That is completely new information to me…” the other said with an amused smile on his lips. 

The irony of his remark was completely ignored by his partner. “Certain things shouldn’t end.”

Taeil didn’t miss a beat speaking his truth. “That’s unnatural.”

“Then I’m unnatural to you?”

“No… you’re just cursed. It’s not your fault,” he held Sicheng’s hands tighter, brushing his thumb through its back. 

“Moon Taeil, just eat the fucking peach!” Sicheng yelled, and his scream echoed through the bamboo forest, scaring the poor baby panda on Taeil’s lap. Taeil caressed the animal and answered his partner, face expressionless. 

“No.”

Sicheng angrily turned his face from him as Taeil kept himself quiet, calming the baby panda. The deity began to emit muffled sounds of crying. The younger took the panda from his lap, releasing it to the wild, knowing it would soon find his parents. He turned to his lover, who was completely wrecked, tears streaming over his face, lips bitten from the nervousness and cheeks pale. 

Taeil brushed his thumb against Sicheng’s cheek, hoping for it to dry a little. He approached his partner, breath unsteady and heart beating erratically, to kiss his bitten lips. Slowly, like mending broken pieces of glass, they fit each other. In the loneliness of the forest, they had each other’s warmth. With no one else’s eyes on them, they were each other’s refuge. They escaped to each other’s presence, kisses and bodies, knowing that was all they had.

Sicheng gave in to Taeil’s kisses, more than avid to kiss him back. Anger, denial, scapism, love, they all mixed as both gave in to the feeling in that empty forest, whining, muffling moans and feeling immense pleasure along with the pain.

When they were done, Taeil kissed Sicheng’s forehead lovingly, staring at his lonely, lovely god with kind eyes. 

“Please don’t leave me, Illie…” Sicheng asked, and Taeil remembered one of the reasons he first fell for him. The white haired sure felt like a god, looked like a powerful being, but had the humility of a mortal. 

“As long as I live, I won’t,” Taeil whispered his promise, kissing his lover’s temple again. 

“There lies the problem,” Sicheng murmured in sadness. He wouldn’t cause another scene however, and was contempt snuggling with his lover over the autumn leaves. 

  
  
  
  
  


When the couple wasn’t up for nature adventures, they had other pastimes to fill their time. Long walks on the beach were always something Sicheng would suggest, though very rarely accepted by his partner, who hated walking on the sand. From time to time he would agree to make the other happy. Many days were spent at that beach, enjoying the sun and the waves. Taeil’s sunkissed skin got tanned from his days in the sun. It was a common joke for them to mention Taeil got more tanned during autumn than during summer. 

They knew they had to enjoy the beach at its most, for winter was coming and the sunny days paddling in their kayaks as they heard the birds singing were counted. They flew by and the couple’s routine changed as the sea grew colder and few were the birds that stayed. 

Sicheng often read books by the house’s fireside and Taeil tried following the same habit He didn’t read as fast or with as much interest as the god, but it brought him joy when one of them would reach for the other’s hand as they read their books quietly. He also enjoyed listening to Sicheng’s constant wonders of what being human was like and how humane was a book compared to the other. The god much rather liked fiction than any other genre, arguing that it was much more passionate than any other kind. Taeil, who often read mathematics books, was more than amused to hear his loved pointing how much better could fiction convey emotion and experience. 

They also engaged in various forms of board games. One of the perks of dating an eternal deity was that he knew the most varied of board and card games and was ready to teach his lover all of them. It was often they would end up playing from the most normal chess game to then start a competition common by Portuguese monks in the eleventh century. The excitement of the game was the same after Taeil got the hang of it. It was common they started trash-talking when feeling particularly confident and a surprise win would always end in laughs, followed smooches to appease the loser’s heart. 

They didn’t spend all their time between closed doors. As they watched leaves falling during autumn, so did they watch snow in the winter. Together, enjoying each other’s presence, they played a little in the snow, pretending they were younger than they were. Taeil laid his head on Sicheng’s lap and the deity brushed his fingers over his hair. 

“A white hair…” he said bitterly. 

“You have plenty of those on your head,” Taeil answered back, eyes closed, enjoying his lover’s touch on his hair and face. 

“They do not mean the same…” 

Once Sicheng had explained why his form was mostly envisioned as having white hair. For he represented happiness, joy, longevity, and those could not exist without the other colors in the rainbow. Therefore, white hair, white clothes, white aura. 

“Let’s be happy for I still have hair,” Taeil opened his eyes as a chuckle escaped his lips, “Will you still love me when I’m old and bald, Chengie?”

“Idiot… I will love you for eternity. For long after you’ve disappeared, with no trace left of you,” the deity replied, eyes lost in the snow. 

“You’ll have my necklace,” the mortal murmured, playing with the jewel in Sicheng’s neck. “My love, can we please live this moment? I shall come the next autumn and the one after that and we will enjoy those together,” he tried bringing Sicheng’s eyes to him but was failing. He decided to sit down, supporting himself on the other’s shoulder. “Even if I feel insecure about you seeing my wrinkles, I’ll drive through the last summer thunderstorm to meet you, my ever so gorgeous, lovely, lonely god. Will you allow me to make you happy?”

Sicheng stared his eyes, so close to his. “Of the many things you bring me, happiness is the first one,” he whispered. Many were the times he had told Taeil that, on different occasions. The first time, he would never forget, was when Taeil was leaving after their six months together, fourteen years before, just as Taeil was about to get in his old car and return to the real world. His mortal had smiled brightly: “If I make the god of happiness happy then I must be really special,” and Sicheng couldn’t see any problem with his logic. 

“Then let me see you smile, love,” Taeil asked, and watched with amusement as his partner gave him the most strained smile he had ever seen. Laughing out loud, Taeil gave up supporting himself on Sicheng, and fell on his lap. The deity, offended by such obvious mockery, dropped Taeil on the snow and locked him between his arms, as the younger still laughed at the horrible smile that was previously displayed. 

Sicheng kissed the chuckles out of him with a smug smile. Taeil looked at his lover completely enamoured. “There is the smile I love.” 

  
  
  
  
  


“See you after the last summer thunderstorm,” were their first last words many winters before, and it was another routine of theirs, to whisper to each other, before Taeil hopped in the yellow Porsche 911 and drove towards spring. 

Taeil kissed Sicheng’s lips one more time, savoring them with much joy. He whispered the words back, a promise, and his god watched him drive away in the direction he had come two seasons before. 

The deity sighed and disappeared, returning to his duties with a heart that was heavy and light at the same time. Taeil would return come next autumn. Sicheng couldn’t be sure how many more autumns they would have together.

❊❊❊

Taeil’s hair did grow whiter the next year, but not enough for Sicheng to complain. Like the year before, they had engaged in all their previous activities and enjoyed each other’s presence as leaves fell from the trees. 

Sicheng was cutting Taeil’s hair, gently caressing his nape from time to time as he chattered on about the last changes in the immortal world. His lover nodded and offered some words of advice when asked, already used to listen to the diverse names of deities that were part of Sicheng’s life. It sometimes seemed odd, since he had never seen anyone from his partner’s godly affairs, but it was a joy of his to challenge his imagination to create an outline for each god, such as the deity of the sun as Sicheng explained how ruthless and wild she was. The stories interested him, and most of all, the way Sicheng told them endeared him even more. He would stop cutting Taeil’s hair to exclaim loudly about something baffling the deity of death had said or whisper secretly on the latest affairs of the deity of marriage, even if there was no one else there. Any story out of Sicheng’s lips was worth of Taeil’s ears. 

When the deity finished with his hair, he turned around to look at the mirror. As always, his god knew too many things for his eternal life offered him many hobbies, and he surely did know how to cut hair. Sicheng knew that very well and sat down smiling next to his partner, who held his own necklace quickly before letting it go. 

“You’ve been weird,” Sicheng said, carefully caressing Taeil’s hair. 

He arched his eyebrow in surprise, “Have I?”

“You’re distant come this time… Did you find anyone in your mortal life?” 

The question was done nonchalantly, as the god trailed his fingers on Taeil’s face, but the younger’s alarm was immediate. He turned to look at Sicheng, a frowned look upon his face, “Chengie, we promised not to ask each other such questions…”

The deity didn’t remove his fingers from his lover’s face, carefully brushing through his lips. Taeil’s lips were always so full and yet terribly dry. Sicheng liked licking them with the excuse he was moisturizing them. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it…”

“It’s more for me than you. Jealousy is my evil,” Taeil murmured and a flash of his lover tense about the adventures of himself and the deity of marriage crossed Sicheng’s head. After their early years together, Taeil confessed he was merely waiting for the time he would cross the thunderstorm and find Sicheng accompanied by another god. 

“That it is indeed. But you should know no god comes close to you ,” the deity whispered, as his finger brushed through Taeil’s cheek scar. 

Taeil’s mouth formed a relaxed smile, one that showed the slow warm ecstasy he had whenever his partner would compliment him and call him his only one. “You indulge me, but I won’t say I’m unhappy to hear that.”

Sicheng allowed himself to brush against a scar on Taeil’s cheek one last time, before dropping his hand. “What is the problem, Illie?”

“My niece died,” he said gravely. 

“Your sister’s daughter?” He asked automatically, but he knew the answer already. “How?”

“Car accident. I had just talked to her on the phone…” 

His eyes had a void in them only caused by deaths without reason. Once Sicheng had said how groundless those events that came with lightning and took lives without any further explanation. He feared Taeil could be a victim of one of those someday and he wouldn’t be there to help. The deity would simply feel life vanishing from his body, but would be trapped inside his realm before reaching his mortal. When he voiced those concerns to his lover, Taeil simply replied death didn’t take anything and that life was a temporary gift, therefore Sicheng could do nothing to stop it, no matter where or when it came. 

“Illie, why didn’t you tell me?” 

Taeil avoided his eyes before answering: “I avoid speaking of matters of mortality with you, my love.”

Sicheng sighed. He should have known his attitude would make Taeil more recoiled when the matter was death. Even so, he couldn’t help himself. His fear spoke louder. 

“I just don’t understand… How come you don’t run from something that hurts you so deeply?”

“It’s unnatural to run away from things that are part of your cycle, Sicheng. I was born, therefore I must die. I will return as other things, such as the grass or a ladybug and the world will carry my essence,” he touched his necklace again and Sicheng’s eyes dropped to it. Its pendant was a small transparent bottle with a little white carnation inside. He couldn’t bear to look at it. 

“Just eat the peach…” he begged lowly, reaching for his lover’s hand. Taeil’s hands always warmed his, they were big and rough, Sicheng liked when he enveloped them around his. 

“No.”

“Aren’t you scared?” 

“Of course I am. Scared out of my life. Scared on how you will be after I’m gone, scared on what will I feel after the passage… But I still gotta face it,” he said, eyes not leaving Sicheng’s face as he spoke with decisiveness. 

“Out of the millions of humans I could have fallen for, I fell for the one who doesn’t fear death enough to run from it,” the god murmured bitterly. 

“I fear your eternal existence,” Taeil replied, hands hurriedly meeting Sicheng’s. 

“I do too, but I have no choice,” he murmured, holding Taeil’s hand back. His voice was melancholic, detached from reality. In these moments, Taeil wondered if he was even in the same dimension as he was. He kissed Sicheng’s cheek sweetly and instantly he returned to reality: “Your niece. How old was she?”

“The age I had when we first met. It could have been me. But I was saved by a wandering god,” he said with a half smile that was soon lost. “She was the only person left for me in the mortal world. It was a shock she left so soon. It doesn’t feel right that the young should die before the old.”

“You’re not old…” Sicheng said, but his eyes still caught Taeil’s wrinkles and growing white hair. Those were only early signs of age, yet they wouldn’t leave his mind. 

“For you indeed I’m young,” Taeil chuckles and so did his partner, who teasingly tickled him for calling him old. After their quick tickle fight ended with the mortal breathless as his deity laughed at him, Taeil laid on the sofa, Sicheng on his chest tracing patterns. “She is buried next to my sister,” was Taeil’s last whisper on the matter. Sicheng wished he could reply he would visit, but he didn’t lie, so he merely nodded and continued tracing patterns till Taeil was sound asleep. 

❊❊❊

Taeil didn’t quite understand what was beyond his eyes. He had said his name was Sicheng. He had fed him, treated his wounds and they had played some board games together. Taeil didn’t know many board games, but he asked for the handsome stranger to teach him, and so he did. 

Either way, with all those mysteries happening under his nose, the young man would only lay on his bed, waiting for his wounds to heal as he thought of his sister. 

She was younger than him and yet she left first for some wicked destiny’s game. Taeil had always relied on her more than she did on him and even so he stayed as she returned to earth. He was there in her last hours, as she asked him desperately to see if her daughter is taken care of. He didn’t want to be selfish, he knew how this was hurting her, and yet he begged his sister not to leave him. She shushed him, a playful smile on her lips, and told Taeil she would never leave his side. Her last words to him, as she was taken to surgery room were “from death, life.” 

She never left that room again. Taeil was alone. 

The sound of steps took his attention from his memory and Taeil stopped playing with his necklace as he looked over to where the beautiful stranger was.

He only ever wore beige, a large shirt and pants, and his feet were always bare. His hair was completely white and his eyes reminded Taeil of a hawk’s. Sicheng entered the room and the mortal knew it was to change his torso bandages, as they had to be reapplied daily. 

The stranger helped him sit on the bed with shy but ever so cold hands. Taeil had noticed he had pretty, long fingers. Slowly, he took the dirty strips from his chest. Very sensitive to pain, Taeil would sometimes contort his face and Sicheng would halt his moves for that instant. It was a very long process, but only because the stranger didn’t want for his patient to feel any more pain than he was already feeling. When they were done taking the gauze, he picked a new one to roll around Taeil’s chest. Before he could start, Taeil lifted his hand to stop him so he could look down at his scars.

There were a dozen of them spread across his chest, where most of the car’s glass had lodged. The biggest one was near his heart and it was still red from fresh suture. Sicheng bit his bottom lip and decided to move on, so Taeil didn’t have much time to stare at his scarred torso. While applying the new bandages, Sicheng tried to stir some conversation. 

“How come you won’t ask me what I’m doing in these unmapped lands?” He questioned in a whisper. He never talked loudly, but when taking care of Taeil he seemed to have entered the room of a newborn baby, speaking so only the person next to him would hear. 

“You saved me,” Taeil replied simply. 

“Aren’t you curious?” Sicheng asked, as he gave the gauze bandages its finishing touches. “Do you know what I am?”

The mortal chuckled. “I didn’t hit my head too hard, I know what you are.”

Taeil was bluntly lying. He had hit his head too hard, having even suffered a concussion and was told so by his caretaker. Secondly, he had only a general idea Sicheng was an outworldly being, but not who he was exactly. 

There was an aura around the stranger that showed Taeil he was no mortal like him. Nothing was different besides the energy he exulted, something about his touch feeling more magical, each fingertip relaxing the skin it touched. Taeil could notice a flicker of fingers, a move from a hand and things would magically move around the house. Sicheng didn’t do it often, but enough for him to notice. 

“Good,” Sicheng murmured, distancing himself from his patient. 

“What are you doing here?” Taeil asked, before the deity could get up and leave. 

“I was banned from my realm. For six months I must stay here and live in recluse.”

Taeil was confused. Perhaps he should have been paying attention to the mysteries all along. “Banned from your own realm?” 

“I did something against the rules… So they sent me here, two seasons a year for two hundred years… For whatever reason...” Sicheng shrugged, but Taeil could see it was an act. 

“What did you do?” The mortal dared asking. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Sicheng whispered teasingly as he got up from the bed and walked to the door. Before he left, he gave Taeil one last look, “Now drink your water and rest. We can play gammon later.”

When Sicheng left, Taeil’s thoughts returned to his sister. Only this time, sometimes his mind would wonder what sort of god was that who took care of him and what had made him a recluse in that paradise on earth. 

❊❊❊

It had been only a couple years since Sicheng stopped waiting for him at the edge of the cliff. Taeil knew why but didn’t like thinking of the matter. It was nice to see his deity waiting for him just next to the big wooden staircase they'd have to climb down to reach the beach. He looked ever so beautiful with wrinkles, a somehow charming wart on his left cheek and thin eyebrows.

When Sicheng first started changing his form to fit Taeil’s passing of age, Taeil tried arguing him out of it passionately, but his lover wouldn’t listen to him. He said that, if he wouldn’t grow old with him, he would at least like to pretend it. Smiling, they would look at their reflection at the sea nearby their house and Sicheng would comment on how they looked like the perfectly elderly couple. 

It had been years since the god had welcomed Taeil’s marks of age with a giggle. He would brush his fingers over his skin, kiss it and say every new wrinkle was a mark of another year together. Wordless, Taeil was more than happy with Sicheng’s change, and so let the god put on the costume of an elderly man. They did look like a nice couple on the shaky image the water formed. 

There was a vital difference between the two apparent old men, for as Sicheng only looked like one, Taeil felt age affecting his body and health. His knees weakened with every step, his heart felt slower, it was harder to breathe. It was a slow deterioration process, but his body felt time passing by. 

For those reasons, the mortal knew when he spotted Sicheng waiting for him nearby the flight of stairs that he was trying to keep him from doing much effort. He appreciated his partner’s care but felt it as a low blow to his self-esteem. 

It got even worse when, while climbing down the wooden stairs, Taeil felt a particularly painful sting on his left knee and used the handrail as support to avoid falling. Sicheng immediately went for his rescue just like he had been his caretaker many decades before and gave the mortal support so he would go down more swiftly. 

“You know, it’s ridiculous, I don’t need help,” Taeil grumbled, but didn’t dare stirring away from Sicheng’s hold. 

“The older you get, the more stubborn you are,” Sicheng chuckled, paying no mind to his complaints. 

“What does that say about you?” 

Sicheng laughed even louder. His lover was indeed insufferable. When they reached sand, he made sure to kiss his angry pout out of his lips with much delight. 

  
  
  
  
  


Taeil played the piano as his deity read. The mortal was proud of how piano was one of the few things Sicheng didn’t teach him and was eager to show his sharpening skills every year, even if it had been many years since he last felt his fingers were particularly skillful. He knew of his partner’s love for blues and diligently played the soft melodies that would break any heart. Too focused on the tiles under his fingertips, he hadn’t noticed Sicheng closing the book and sitting next to him on the piano. Taeil smiled at him and continued playing, with the god paying close attention to his fingers. 

When he was done, he turned to face his lover with a smug smile. Their lips met, Taeil’s ever so dry and in need of Sicheng’s. It was his own notion of paradise. 

Distancing their mouths, Taeil made a clicking sound with his tongue and raised an eyebrow, “I never knew how you were born…”

“That’s because I wasn’t,” Sicheng murmured with an amused smile on his lips. He loved teaching Taeil of the misconceptions the mortal world had of gods. “Deities are created along with what they represent. I’m happiness and longevity, so I was a thinking being when life was born.” 

“And you die only when it stops existing,” Taeil concluded resolutely.

“That’s my curse,” the deity announced dramatically. 

“Your curse is to love a dying man…” his lover retorted, eyes shyly turned to the piano again. 

“My curse”, Sicheng corrected, lifting Taeil’s chin so he would meet his eyes. “is that I can’t follow him wherever he goes.” 

❊❊❊

The boat went on at the flick of Sicheng’s fingers, completely passing by the small island their house was on. Taeil turned around to stare at him wide eyed. 

“Where are you taking me?” He asked, the wind making his dark brown hair an obstacle to see Sicheng. 

“You’ve been coming here for how long? Six years?” The god asked and, through his hair strands, Taeil could see he was trying to hold his excited expression.

“Seven,” he replied and turned around to see where the boat was taking them. It sailed against light waves in the direction of what Taeil could see as a terrifying amount of pointy black rocks the size of buildings. He would be scared to sail there without the help of godly gifts, but perhaps that was the purpose of their appearance. 

As they approached them, Taeil noticed the rocks to be more than what they appeared. The biggest and most grandiose of them opened up to a cave and Sicheng gracefully guided the small boat to avoid any of the rocks, so it could enter the dark grotto safely. 

Taeil’s eyes took only a second to adjust. In a blink he was dazzled by thousands of blue and white gemstones that decorated the cavern’s walls and reflected a little of the light brought from the outside. His jaw dropped and Sicheng chuckled loudly at his clear shock. He stopped the boat with a flick of his fingers and helped Taeil hop out of it like a proper gentleman. They walked silently hand in hand, Taeil too focused on the beauty of the caverns to voice anything out loud, while Sicheng was too endeared by his boyfriend’s innocent eyes to tease him. 

They continued walking, Taeil’s eyes sparkling as much as the gemstones, till his eyes caught the small waterfall that came from the cave’s walls. He dropped Sicheng’s hand so he would remove his own shirt and take a dive at the small lake the waterfall formed, but Sicheng held his hand again and told him they would be able to do that later. First, there was something he needed to show. 

They walked for a little bit more and Taeil was shocked by how long that cavern was. Not only did it have a high ceiling, but they hadn’t seen its end yet and he felt chills thinking of what Sicheng had brought him there that was more beautiful and shocking than the waterfall among white and blue gemstones.

The couple took a turn and saw the only light from the sun coming inside the cave due to a crack in the ceiling. It lit what Taeil could only describe as the most exotic tree he had ever seen. Its trunk was as dark as the grotto’s rocks, no sign whatsoever of aging wood or any risks in its surface. It looked almost artificial, such was its perfection. The tree’s leaves were of a pale white that reminded him of Sicheng’s hair, contrasting greatly with the trunk. From its branches, big plump pinkish fruits could be seen. They were the color of his god’s lips. 

“This is the tree of life. It lives as long as I live.” 

It went unsaid, but the tree _was_ Sicheng. Taeil could perceive it was the embodiment of his lover in nature. Little was to say he was absolutely infatuated by it and flashes of them spending a day reading by its shadow crossed his mind instantly. 

“It’s… beautiful,” he murmured in amazement, walking to the tree and touching its trunk. Sicheng shivered, as if Taeil was touching him. The mortal’s eyes hung over the plump fruits. “Are those…?”

“Yes,” Sicheng said, ripping the closest one from its branch. He offered it to Taeil. “Do you want one?”

The mortal stared at the pretty pinkish fruit on Sicheng’s hand, not understanding what was being asked of him. “What?”

“I’m offering you a peach,” Sicheng explained, a sweet smile on his lips, as if telling to his innocent lover all the secrets of the universe. “Do you want it?”

It took him a blink of an eye to answer.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

Sicheng was now the one who couldn’t understand what was happening and Taeil was kind enough to reply to his lover with a smile as sweet he had been given: “I cannot accept it.”

“I am offering you immortality,” Sicheng said slowly and wide-eyed, as a doctor would with any patient with signs of insanity. 

“And I’m gratefully declining it,” Taeil said, pushing the peach that was stil being offered to him to Sicheng’s chest. 

“After seven years and you still surprise me,” the god chuckled, putting the peach back to its branch. For Taeil’s amazement, it attached itself back to the tree, like it was never taken from there. 

“That’s how I managed not to bore a deity after so long.”

“I’m going to convince you to eat it, Taeil,” Sicheng said. It was either a promise or challenge, but the mortal didn’t mind. He merely pulled Sicheng closer to him by the hem of his shirt. 

“You can try, but kiss me under that waterfall first.”

That challenge was gladly accepted. Taeil dragged Sicheng to the waterfall and they skinny dipped, happily and nervously entering the cold waters and kissing under the waterfall. Sicheng thought how odd he never had entered that lake before in his many eons of existence, but with Taeil everything was different. 

❊❊❊

As he had played piano for many years before, Taeil sat by the instrument, carefully touching its tiles. The music coming out of it was melancholic, overcoming that of Sicheng’s beloved blues. The deity looked over from his book to watch the silhouette of his lover by the piano. 

His back was crooked and his hair was as white as the god’s. Even with old age, he played the lullaby perfectly. Sometimes the deity would hear him complain his fingers would never be what they were and the uplifting jazz he liked to play was too hard for him already. Yet, through his partner’s experience, Sicheng observed how remarkable human beings were. Even in old age, when they thought they were counting the days for their end, they would reinvent themselves. Taeil had acquired a new found love for lullabies and played them the most he could without his knuckles hurting. They were mostly soft, sweet lullabies, unlike the one he was playing now. 

There was something different about those notes, a flavor of longing, a spoon of sadness that Sicheng couldn’t quite understand where it came from. Taeil stopped playing abruptly and the god pretended he was reading his book with utmost attention. 

“Chengie, come here…” Taeil spoke with a hoarse voice due to the passing years. Sicheng closed his book and sat by him on the piano, ready to praise his newest creation, but Taeil looked as melancholic as his melody. “I can feel it coming,” he whispered in a burst of air. 

For a second, Sicheng didn’t comprehend what his lover meant, but when his thoughts were cleared, he was soon to shake his head in denial, “Don’t-“

“This will be our last winter together,” Taeil interrupted him swiftly. The god noticed his shaky hands on his own thighs and decided to hold them tight. Sicheng gave his hands a tight grip and nodded. “Will you not ask me to eat the peach?” Taeil asked in a whisper. 

It was impossible that in that topic of conversation, Sicheng could show any signs of a smile, but his Taeil did the impossible. The deity chuckled amusedly, brushing his thumb against Taeil’s hand. “After seventy years together and yet you don’t know me at all, my love? I’ve learned the importance of death with you. Everything must end. One day I will end too. But my path is different than yours.”

“I’m just fortunate they crossed in this twisted fate,” Taeil murmured, holding Sicheng’s hand back. 

“So am I.” 

Even so, the mortal still didn’t seem completely relaxed. Sicheng often observed that it came with old age, an anxiety of letting things go undone. Taeil needed to speak and so Sicheng assured him with a smile that he could go on. 

“Aren’t you upset with me? I’m your curse,” his hoarse voice was shaky and low. 

“You’re the biggest blessing ever, my Taeil,” Sicheng looked at his lover’s eyes, reassuring him tenderly. “You taught me to embrace new things, to not fear what I don’t know. How special you must be for you made the god of happiness happy.”

Taeil, who had cried only a few times in front of Sicheng, had tears streaming down his cheeks. The deity lovingly dried his face with his thumb, but they kept coming. 

“Do you wish me to stay?” he managed to blurt out. 

“Badly, but what we wish isn’t always right.”

Taeil nodded, trying his best to contain his tears. He approached Sicheng’s nape to whisper in his ear, “I’ll love you for as long as I live.”

The deity’s heart warmed and he whispered back the words of his vow to his lover, “I will love you for eternity.”

❊❊❊

The sun was shining brightly as it did in the beginning of autumn, so they decided they should spend a day at the beach together. Sicheng didn’t like the water so much, but after he had taught Taeil how to swim the previous year, the mortal enjoyed the sea waters with much joy. 

The deity rather liked staring at Taeil’s sunkissed body as he came up shirtless from another dive into the water. His body was curvy and healthy, Sicheng adored that he had lots of places to squeeze in comparison to himself. It felt much more alive, especially with the now-cured scars. He had beautiful legs and the god was thankful he wore shorts all autumn long for not seeing his thighs for more than a few hours was a crime punishable by death to him. The deity also liked how naturally beautiful he was, dripping wet and reflecting the sun’s light, hair soaked with water and shorts tight enough to leave little to imagination.

The deity was most probably drooling when Taeil sat by his side on the sand, smiling devilishly, “I have a proposal,” he said formally. 

“Shall I ask for the deity of marriage to bless us with his presence?” Sicheng teased, knowing that any mention of marriage was for pure joke only. They were still getting to know each other, but the deity couldn’t say he wasn’t failing for Taeil’s charms more and more each time he came back after the summer thunderstorm. 

“No, Chengie, another proposal,” he teased back with the new nickname that flustered the god. Taeil smiles smugly, “If I beat you at xiangqi, will you tell me why were you banned here?”

When the mortal insisted on bringing board games along at their boat to the beach Sicheng had found it weird but shrugged, not paying much mind to it. Moon Taeil never failed to surprise him. 

“You feel confident?” Sicheng asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“I had a great teacher…” Taeil retorted. Wasn’t there a competition taking place, Sicheng might have blushed with the compliment, but there were higher things at stake there. 

“Let’s do it, mortal. Gonna teach you why I’m a god.” 

Taeil laughed and began placing the pieces on the board. At the beach, in that sunny morning of autumn, someone was about to lose.   
  


  
  
  
  


“Who is your god now?” were the first words to leave Taeil’s victorious smile when he finally managed to get a checkmate. 

“You, but it was obvious,” Sicheng huffed, trying to not let it too apparent how confidence made Taeil more handsome. 

“Tell me, my pretty god, why are you locked with me in this paradise?” he asked, putting the board aside and coming closer to Sicheng. 

The god seemed hesitant. No matter how much Taeil would deem him humble, for a deity to admit mistakes was hard and confessing them to a mortal was even more humiliating in their eyes. Sicheng reminded himself Taeil wasn’t just any mortal and he had a deal to comply. 

“I gave a peach to someone I shouldn’t have,” the white-haired confessed, looking slightly embarrassed. “He asked me for it, claiming he had one last good deed to offer the world. Turns out I should only give the fruit to those who value lives… not only their own.”

The memory of the occurrence weakened his heart. From his realm, he could only observe as the man who he had granted immortality took the lives of many others for power and greed. Sicheng watched, horrified, as their blood was spilled to the ground with the killing. The other deities thankfully intervened with the maniac and equilibrium was restored. The murderer was locked in the immortal gates, an eternal life of prison, but he wasn’t the only one at fault and the immortality deity deserved some time in recluse. 

“But why did the gods send you here?” Taeil questioned, bringing Sicheng back to reality. 

The god shrugged, “I wasn’t fulfilling my duties. Representing happiness and such… They thought better for me to have some time alone.” 

After such a nefarious act was committed due to his mistake alone, Sicheng entered a state of numbness that almost cost the gods the balance again. Therefore he was sent away for half the year. The god of happiness could never be absent for a long time, he had many duties, but some time on his own was what he needed. 

“For you to be the deity of happiness you have to be happy?” his lover asked with curious bambi eyes. It would be cheesy, but Sicheng would like to kiss that pout out of his lips. 

“Not really, but I should strive for it.”

“Do I make you happy?” Taeil asked with a loud breathe out. He looked nervous, what was rather unusual. 

“You make me the happiest being in existence,” Sicheng whispered to him, getting closer to steal a kiss from those lips. Taeil gave in easily. His lips tasted of salt and smelled like the beach. 

After the kiss was over, the smug smile returned, “Hm, just because you are sweet I won’t complain about you letting me win.”

The deity laughed loudly. He should have sensed his lover would see behind his tricks and games, but he had forgotten Taeil wasn’t any mortal. He kissed him again, smiling happily. He wondered if that was what mortals felt taking ecstasy, because it certainly felt heavenly. 

“Will you answer a question of mine as well?” Sicheng whispered in secrecy, almost lower than the sound of the waves. Taeil nodded and the god’s eyes instantly fell to his chest, “What is your necklace?”

Taeil’s hand automatically caught the small glass with the white flower and brought it closer to Sicheng. As the necklace was still attached to him, he was terribly close too. Sicheng felt his heart beating faster as Taeil started answering his question, “It’s a small white carnation. White symbolizes death and the carnation is for reincarnation. It was my sister’s before she passed away.”

At the end of the explanation, Taeil’s eyes dropped lower. He missed his sister dearly, Sicheng knew that from the thousands of stories he would tell of them together. She scolded him a lot, but took care of him like nobody else did and saved Taeil from the most terrible of situations that he recklessly put himself into. After the mess he created ended they laughed together, going over the most over the top moments.

The deity had always known that necklace was a personal object for Taeil and dared not speak of it. When he was being cured by the god, Taeil used to hold onto it and stare at the window for hours. At any sign of distress he would rapidly reach for it, holding tight against his palm. Once, Sicheng had even seen him kiss it. It felt like he was holding his own life on the palm of his hands, either hoping to keep it safe or crush it. 

“It’s beautiful,” Sicheng said as he took a bigger look at the pendant. The flower was the same color as his hair and it warmed his heart somehow. 

“You can have it after I’m gone.”

Taeil’s words struck Sicheng like lightning. Wide-eyed, he stared at Taeil, who looked him back very relaxedly. He never regretted anything he did or took back his words, like Sicheng would often do, so the offer was real. 

It was the first time Sicheng thought that relationship was more serious than he had first expected. Taeil’s effects on his heart didn’t seem temporary at all and the mortal was promising a gift that would take decades to collect. The deity smiled in relief, approached Taeil in one move and, before kissing him, whispered against his lips, “It will be the best present I’ll receive in my whole existence.” 

They spent the rest of the day under the sun, having water fights, reading books, playing cards. Sicheng looked at Taeil’s skin glowing with the sun setting down behind him realizing that finally his lonely oasis had become a true paradise. 

❊❊❊

Never had a healing process being as adventurous as that one. Taeil managed to walk out of the bed after a few weeks with the help of his god-like stranger. Step by step he discovered the rustic house he had been sleeping in, including its beautiful black piano. He sat by it and began to play with the tiles a little, surprising Sicheng. The mortal was pleased to cause a shock to the other and wanted to do it more often. 

They walked to the house’s yard, for the deity claimed Taeil needed some sun. The leaves of fall colored the petit island in beautiful shades of red, brown and orange. It was oddly warm, even if the wind was strong and messed their hairs.

When Taeil was tired of Sicheng’s constant wins at board games, he would beg him to take him to the bamboo forest by the shore. The deity would try his best not to give in, saying Taeil’s scars made it hard for him to climb up those wooden stairs, but the mortal was insistent. They played with baby pandas, and Taeil observed with the god sweetly give milk to one of them with a warm heart.

At first, Taeil thought he was insane or victim of a famous psychological syndrome of sorts. Sicheng had taken care of him, fed him, cleaned his bandages and it was obvious the mortal had started admiring that strange deity figure who walked around barefoot and had hair as white as the snow. Yet that didn’t explain why Taeil’s eyes always stuck to him longer than they should as Sicheng played with baby pandas or took a dive at the sea waters. Sometimes, as they played board games, their hands would brush while moving a piece and an electric shock went through Taeil’s body. He would remove his hand in a millisecond and allow the deity to do his move on the board. The mortal also liked playing by the piano as Sicheng read his fiction books silently. Sometimes he would hum along Taeil’s notes and that would warm his heart. When Sicheng closed his book to sit by his side at the piano, he felt his heart beat faster with how close they were. The god had cleaned his bandages not even a month before, yet Taeil couldn’t stand the touch of his hand without feeling his breathing halt. 

Taeil pondered if those effects on his heart was simply due to him being a deity or having taken care of him. Neither of those were real feelings and the mortal knew that, but he couldn’t keep his heart from fluttering whenever the deity would smile at him. 

One thing he was thankful for that dilemma inside his mind was that he had much less urgency to think about his sister. Her memory came to him daily, but it would vanish as soon as Sicheng teasingly winked at him or carelessly brushed his fingers through his hair. She was still a vital part of Taeil’s thoughts and he held her pendant close to his heart, but the thrill of Sicheng’s touch against his skin urged Taeil’s thoughts to various new directions.

Even under this nerve breaking line of thought, he felt himself healing in that recluse house. His scars were slowly becoming less reddish and he could finally breathe properly again. The physical and emotional healing could only be credited due to Sicheng’s hard work, who would constantly check on Taeil’s wounds, no matter how the mortal objected to it, and would also spend chilling moments with him. Together, they constantly napped under a tree’s shadow in the house’s yard and Taeil would sometimes wake up to find himself tangled with the god. He watched the deity breathing peacefully through his puffy lips, wondering what they tasted like. 

The days went by swiftly and softly. Taeil had barely noticed winter had come to them, but he felt snow tickling his nose and he woke up from his nap with Sicheng by his side, unconsciously approaching the mortal’s body to warm himself. Soon, it snowed constantly and they spent more time indoors, reading, napping and playing different board games. 

One day, unexpectedly, when Taeil was about to sit by the piano, Sicheng came up to him with car keys. 

“You can leave,” he said with an expressionless face. “The boat will take you shore and a yellow car will be waiting for you.”

Taeil blinked twice to make sure that was happening. “I’m healed?” he questioned in shock. He should have noticed his scars didn’t hurt anymore, yet the idea he was cured sounded unrealistic. The mortal bit his lip, unsure of what to say. “But… if I beat you at Khanhoo can I stay more?” 

A smile flashed on the god’s face like it did whenever Taeil would suggest a game with stakes. Sometimes the mortal would do it only to spike flames up, betting random things such as who would get to choose what he would play at the piano or their routine for the day. Others, he would try to get some piece of information about Sicheng with it. This time was different than all others. 

“You do not need to win for me to give in to that request. Just tell me truthfully why you want to stay,” the deity said, putting the car keys in his pocket. 

Taeil breathed in deeply before he began speaking, “I don’t know what you are, Sicheng, or what place this is, all I know is that I really like it here… I don’t know if I can go back to the real world now.”

“This is the real world.”

“Not with you,” Taeil confessed and regretted the words the instant they were spoken. “After my sister died… this has been the most comforting place I’ve ever been. Will you allow me to stay?”

“You’re keeping something from me,” Sicheng said with one raised eyebrow. 

“And you’re playing with me,” the mortal mumbled slightly hurt with Sicheng’s clear amusement. 

“Better at that than at cards,” the god replied teasingly. “Tell me the whole truth…”

Taeil took a last look at Sicheng, nervously fidgeting. He was no strange godlike figure to him anymore. His heart beat faster and he thought better to blurt it out before he could stop himself. 

“I like you,” he said, louder than he had intended. A bigger chuckle left his lips, “How stupid another mortal to fall for a god such as you?”

The deity didn’t say a thing, quietly staring at Taeil, while the mortal wanted to steal the car keys from his pocket and run away. To his surprise, Sicheng took a step closer, towering over him so there was nowhere to look besides his lips. 

“How stupid this mortal is to not know the god likes him back,” he whispered his retort. 

Taeil, who watched his lips as he spoke the teasingly sweet words, felt his heartbeat speed up, while Sicheng moved his hand to the mortal’s waist. Before the deity could approach him, he jumped for his lips, savoring hungrily what he had waited all that winter to taste. Sicheng’s lips were as soft as they seemed and his mouth tasted like fresh peaches, strangely enough. He was tip toeing, trying to be as close to him as possible, and threw his arms around the deity’s neck. The god returned the kiss on the same level of excitement, squeezing Taeil’s waist and bringing him close against his body. 

There was no more talk of Taeil leaving that day. In all honesty, little more did they talk, too smitten with the newfound pleasure in each other’s mouth. 

❊❊❊

Something felt off from the minute he hopped off his wet car at the bamboo forest. Usually the weather at his paradise on earth would be sunny, reflecting even a rainbow depending on Sicheng’s mood. That fateful day, it had grey clouds threatening to pour water at any second. From the top of the stairway, Taeil could see the waves on the beach breaking violently against the sea and for a second he wondered how would the boat make way through those feisty waters. 

Before going down the wooden stairs, he spotted his lover on the edge of the cliff after the bamboo forest. Smiling with the sight of Sicheng after six months, he walked among bamboos to see the god’s silhouette. He expected him to turn around, smile and offer him a peach, but Sicheng didn’t move an inch to greet him. His body was turned to the direction of the upcoming storm, probably too focused on that to spare Taeil any glance.

The mortal sat next to him at the cliff, letting both their legs hang on its edge. 

“Aren’t you going to say hello to me?” Taeil asked with a chuckle before he noticed the grim expression on Sicheng’s face. “Chengie?”

His lover didn’t look back at him. His eyes were filled with tears, but none of them dared streaming down his face. 

“W-why do you think I found you?” he managed to ask in a strained voice. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Why do you think I found you in that car wreck in the middle of nowhere?” Sicheng spoke more clearly, finally able to turn his head to look at Taeil. The mortal wasn’t expecting for his eyes to look so furious and hurt and was taken aback. 

“You were nearby, you sensed me dying,” he repeated the same words he had heard decades before, but Sicheng didn’t seem satisfied with his answer. “What is it, Chengie, talk to me…” he tried to reassuringly reach for his hand, but the god’s hand was dead under his touch, making no reaction. 

“What if I told you… my punishment is not living in this paradise?” 

“I don’t understand…”

The deity snorted, bitterness dripping in every word, “The gods are funny. I should have known from the minute you first refused that peach twenty years ago.” He took a pause before continuing, making sure their eyes were locked as he spoke the next words, “My punishment is you, Taeil.”

“How?”

“Gods like to play more with their kind. A power play of sorts. They do get some mortals involved when it is needed. You are just that case,” as Sicheng spoke, dreamily and detached from reality, Taeil almost considered he had lost any sanity. The deity let out a muffled sound of a cry, but the tears didn’t leave his eyes. “They brought to me the one they thought I could love the most but would be my downfall. A mortal who refuses immortality. My curse,” his eyes fell on the waters meters below their feet, exhaustion taking over his appearance. 

Taeil couldn’t tell how the gods gave in that information or for how long Sicheng had kept it bottled inside, waiting for the day they would meet at the beginning of autumn, but those weren’t important at that moment. All he knew was that he felt Sicheng slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t let him go. 

“We are more than that, Chengie, I’m not for your suffering,” Taeil rushed to murmur, voice breaking due to his lover’s harsh words. 

“Now. But imagine when you’re dead. When many eons have passed and I’m left alone in that house that has memories of you all over it. When written language changes so much, even your name won’t be spelt the same and I’ll only have the sound of it to warm me.”

Finally the tears started streaming down with Sicheng’s furious speech. Taeil delicately brushed against his cheek, holding back his own tears, “We should cherish what we have now.”

Immediately at the sound of those words, the deity escaped Taeil’s touch.

“Why don’t you want to live?” he asked in desperation. 

“I want to live the most I can. With you my love for life was reborn, do never doubt that again, Sicheng. I just don’t want to avoid death when it comes to me as an old friend,” Taeil answered with his voice not failing him.

“Why?” the god insisted with a whine that torn Taeil’s heart apart. 

“Because I need rest. I need closure. I like endings, for more bittersweet that they may be.”

Sicheng shook his head, falling in denial. His face was pale from crying and the tears didn’t stop leaving his eyes, “Illie… I’m begging you… _Please_ , eat the peach…” he begged, voice weak and breaking. 

“No.”

Not daring to look at Taeil anymore, Sicheng turned his eyes to the storm that was coming. The mortal looked at the clouds once more and, just as he was lifting his chin to see better, felt the first drop of rain on his cheek. The rain started pouring lightly, but they didn’t move. Taeil observed the drops meeting the sea and becoming part of something bigger. 

After what it seemed like enough time for Sicheng to stabilize his breathing, Taeil touched his arm softly, but the god flinched. 

“Don’t touch me,” he spoke ruthlessly. “I don’t want to see you. Leave me.”

Even with throat clenching, Taeil tried to fight Sicheng’s ruling, “Do you think this will make it hurt less when I’m gone?”

The deity didn’t mind giving him an answer. He finally turned his head to speak to Taeil one more time. The mortal could see his tears were now mixed with the raindrops. 

“Goodbye, Moon Taeil. Do not come back,” he said and, with a flick of his fingers, Taeil was next to his car again. 

Upset beyond measure, he kicked his yellow Porsche, cursing the god beyond like never before. Not only his words hurt him, but having used magic to take him from their paradise on earth. It was unfair how Taeil didn’t even have a chance to tell him goodbye, he was kicked out like a nobody. Angrily, he opened the door of his car and drove in that autumn storm. At that moment, any place would be better than the refuge he was prohibited from entering. 

❊❊❊

At dawn, Sicheng felt it fading. He woke up desperately, air leaving his lungs. Shaking his lover with urgency, he woke Taeil to consciousness. Sleepily, his partner said nothing, he knew what was coming and didn’t have much strength left in him. 

With tears leaving his eyes, Sicheng held his Taeil close to his heart. He had sent him away once, but he had come back to him. Now he was leaving for eternity. His existence would leave his body along with last breath and the Taeil he loved would no longer be alive. 

There would be no other man who drove a yellow Porsche 911 with style, had a younger sister who meant the world to him and played piano as softly as touching someone else’s body. The lover who was always eager to learn and listen, who would play any board game and bet absurdities on it and who would read with Sicheng in those cold nights. The person who played with baby pandas in the autumn, skinny dipped under waterfalls and had snowball fights during winter. That entire existence was about to fade into oblivion, to have his life reinvented by the wheel. He could come back in the form of ladybugs and white carnations, but never would Sicheng see his Taeil again.

Crying copiously, he held his lover to his chest, trying to fight his teary eyes so he could get one last look to keep in his memory for eternity. Taeil brushed his fingers against his wet cheeks, smiling even as his heart started beating slower. 

“See you after the last summer thunderstorm,” he managed to murmur in his hoarse voice. Sicheng, even with his tears and not being able to answer, chuckled briefly. Taeil smiled calmly, “There is the smile I love.”

With one last breath and grunt, his existence vanished from Sicheng’s arms. He was gone, the body was empty and the deity cried the whole night while holding his necklace. It had been harder than he thought it would be, but not even the deity of immortality could challenge death. Taeil had the ending he had wanted and, as Sicheng cried himself to sleep, that thought comforted him through his loneliness. 

❊❊❊

Walking unsure of himself, he tried entering the perimetrium. Seeing as he wasn’t instantly kicked out by magical barriers, Taeil came in the bamboo forest. He was shocked to see the same silhouette waiting for him on the edge of the cliff. As it had happened the last time he was there, the deity didn’t turn around to greet the mortal, but that didn’t stop Taeil from sitting next to him.

The weather was windy, but sunny. It felt fresh, even under the sun. With marveled eyes he observed the sparkly blue water meters below and saw some turtles and manatees swimming happily. 

“You were waiting for me,” he said, turning his face to Sicheng.

The god looked as beautiful as any other day. His bare feet hung on the edge of the cliff and he nervously swayed them, not daring to look at the new arrival. 

“I’ve been waiting for you ever since you went away,” the deity replied apologetically. “I was stupid… You’re not my curse, even if the gods want it to be so.” 

Taeil messed his own hair, “I wish you could see every moment we have together is not one less that happened, it’s one more for our happiness… It’s not a countdown…”

Sicheng finally turned to stare at his lover, rushing to appease his concerns, “I know, I know… I’m just afraid…”

The mortal held his hand to murmur, “You shouldn’t be…”

The deity sighed, gripping Taeil’s hand tightly. “It will never go away. But, this time alone was good for me to think. I won’t talk about any peach to you anymore,” he promised, with a resolute, proud smile. 

Taeil arched an eyebrow. “Not even on my deathbed?” 

“I would appreciate if you didn’t mention your deathbed, but not even then,” Sicheng said, approaching Taeil. He hadn’t noticed how much he missed the mortal’s smell, his warm presence, the sound of his actual beating heart. 

“Will you be there with me?” Taeil asked with scared eyes, either due to mentioning death or the fear of Sicheng leaving him.

“I will never leave your side for the autumns and winters to come,” the god promised, taking Taeil’s hand and bringing them to his lips. 

He kept his promise. For the years to come, Taeil always spent his autumns and winters with Sicheng, sharing their paradise and with every moment counting more for their happiness. 

❊❊❊

The car roared with his hands on the wheel. He crossed the melting roads, while the night opened to a lazy spring sun. Leaving his paradise was odd, but soon he arrived where he wanted.

The white haired man hopped from the car and walked among a field of white carnations. They brushed his skin through the pants and made him feel slightly ticklish. Under the rising spring sun, that white field looked like something straight out of a dream. In the middle stood two tombstones. The first was Taeil’s sister and the second was her daughter’s. 

With shaky hands, Sicheng opened the recipient with his late beloved’s ashes and spread half of its content around the two tombstones. Taeil had never told him what to do with his body, but Sicheng felt better to put his ashes with the people he loved the most.

After his job was done, he took a last look at the tombstones and silently thanked them for being there for his lover where he couldn’t go. To keep it as memory, he picked one carnation from the ground and flicked his fingers so a spell of immortality felt over it. He laughed at his own act, knowing Taeil would disapprove of it, but Sicheng couldn’t help falling for old habits. 

He entered the car and placed the jar with Taeil’s ashes and the carnation side by side on the front passenger seat. He was driving against the rising sun, but enjoyed how it slowly lit the road ahead of him. He entered the small road that lead to the bamboo forest, but stopped before he could see the beach. 

He got out of the car and walked to a place with a marked bamboo. It was carved with a knife _Taeil ♡ Sicheng_ from over half a century before. He brushed his fingers over it, remembering Taeil had wanted to mark the place where they first met, even if he was unconscious at the time. The deity had laughed at the idea, but Taeil had brought a switchblade and quickly carved on the bamboo. 

Opening the jar with his ashes, Sicheng poured them around that stretch of the forest. Nothing of Taeil was his to keep besides the necklace he was wearing. His lover wanted to return to earth and so he did. 

With a blink of his eyes, he saw it. It had been a mere feeling in his heart, a hunch saying something was happening in the forest, but there it was: a car crashed against his bamboo trees and a mortal man inside of it. 

He was hardly breathing, much blood spread everywhere since the front window glass had broken with the crash. Hurriedly, Sicheng flickered his finger so he could open the car’s smashed door easily. He removed the mortal from inside it and gave him a small breath of life that would keep him stable until Sicheng could properly clean and close his wounds. 

The god had to try to spare his magic the most he could and therefore carried him down the wooden staircase with his own strength and put him on the boat. They quickly arrived at the house and Sicheng turned his never used guest room into a surgery room. He used a little of magic to keep the mortal unconscious and began diligently cleaning the wounds before starting to suture them. From time to time the mortal would mumble something, but the deity was more focused on finishing everything quickly to avoid loss of blood. 

After many stitches, two broken ribs and a fractured leg were correctly cleaned, sutured and rolled with bandages, Sicheng sat down to rest. He finally allowed himself to look at the person he had saved the life of. 

The mortal was young, in his early twenties. His dark brown hair was slightly messy and had stains of blood in it, but Sicheng thought better to wait before showering him. He had a pretty slightly snub nose and big plump dry lips. Most of the scars were located on his torso and Sicheng wondered if that would cause the man to be shy about taking his shirt off in the future. He surely hoped not, for he had too gorgeous a body to be ashamed of it. 

The god also took notice of the necklace on his neck. Even if most of his patience’s property was either broken or stained by blood, it remained intact, glass shining and flower inside pure and white. It contrasted beautifully against the man’s tanned skin and the deity could feel a lifebond formed by it. 

  
  
  
  
  


When the stranger finally woke up, Sicheng was reading him a fantasy book. He hadn’t noticed the mortal had returned to consciousness and continued reading the scene very focused. When he had difficulty going to the next page, his eyes lingered over the mortal, who stared at him calmly. 

The deity dropped the book at that instant, but the stranger kept looking at him only slightly puzzled. Seeing his book reader wouldn’t speak anymore, he asked where exactly he was. 

“You suffered an accident due to the summerstorm, I helped you and brought you to my home,” Sicheng explained embarrassed. 

“Thank you,” the man said wholeheartedly. 

The deity looked down and accepted the compliment. He reminded himself that now that his patient was awake, he should check his needs. “Are you feeling okay? Do you want anything?”

The man took a pause before answering, “My sister just died,” he spoke as if just at that moment the reality hit him. “She was giving life and I guess she just gave a lot of it,” he trailed off, lost in his thoughts. 

At the rush of the moment, the deity quickly grabbed the man’s hand to give it a quick reassuring squeeze, “I’m sorry. All things come to an end after all…” he said, dropping his hand right after. The god wasn’t sure those were the right words to say at that moment, but the mortal nodded. 

“A bittersweet ending…” he whispered while holding his necklace tight on his hand. He soon returned to reality. “What’s your name?”

“Sicheng. You’re Taeil” he blurted out. He hadn’t noticed the mortal’s name would be so easily under his magic’s reach. Moon Taeil. That name fit him well. 

“How do you know my name?” Taeil asked with a frown. 

“I know many things…” 

Taeil decided not to press on the matter. His eyes found a game board behind Sicheng and he smiled amusedly, “Do you know how to play chess?” 

Sicheng turned around to get the board so they could play, but Taeil shook his head, claiming he didn’t have a faint idea how to play such difficult board game. Sicheng brushed that thought aside and placed the board on a small table between them. As he taught Taeil how to move the pieces, the man watched him wide eyed. Suddenly, the mortal touched a piece at the same time the god did, their finger brushing. An electric shock happened and Taeil smiled brightly at him. His eyes had the brightness of a thousand suns. 

Sicheng blinked again. The sun lit the entirety of the bamboo forest at that moment. His cheeks were wet with tears. He touched the carved message one more time before walking to the cliff. 

Sicheng was proud of himself. It had been hard letting go of Taeil, especially when the physical objects seemed to be all he had ever since his soul left earth. Yet, he kept only what mattered the most to him: their moments together and his necklace. 

Eternity could have its infinite number of years, but Sicheng would always have his memories with Taeil. No matter what the future held for him, he would always remember what waited for him after the last summer thunderstorm for the duration of a lifetime. His mortal, his lover, his forever Taeil. 

❊

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> when i wrote this fic, i hadn’t felt death near me in a long time but on this friday the 13th my grandmother made her passing and i wanna dedicate this to her
> 
> she said i would do great things and i’m sad she will never get to see them, but i’m happy for the many years we spent together and know it was her time. she hanged in there, so so strong (she secretly told me last month that she was worried for my grandfather, claiming him to be weaker than her, against all odds) and was so happy whenever i showed videos of my kpop boys, especially kibum from shinee bc i told her the story of how he was raised by his grandmother and how strongly he loved her. this is all a big blabber of thoughts and hardly ever i write ending notes this long, but i guess it’s my way to cope at this moment
> 
> it scares me the fact she will not be there for my birthday that is coming, sneaking me some money from my grandfather’s wallet and whining at him after for him to give me more money (as if she hadn’t just “robbed” him moments before while he was eating) and always _always_ saying i’m her favorite grandchild because i was born first and she had the pleasure to name me. never had she called me by the nickname everyone knows me by, she said my name was too pretty for that and made everyone afraid of speaking my nickname in her presence. she also hated my hair and was completely horrified by my tattoo, but never complained too loudly about it. i was her favorite grandchild after all, i had a free pass and made sure to use it~ she was also a hell of a driver, always the one who drove my grandpa around since forever and we never questioned it, even if my grandpa knew how to drive, because it was only natural
> 
> once, when i was four years old, my grandmother literally fucking camped outside a school that was one of the city’s best (and entire country tbh) just so the next day my brother and i would be the first ones on the waiting list. she was sixty-four years old and the next year people started camping too. the school had to start doing it by random picking or else it would be complete chaos. she used to drive me to this school every single day because it was the other side of town but it was one of the best around and never had she spared any cent or sweat in order for me to have the best education
> 
> for the last five years or so she has been threatening me and my brother to go to family parties claiming she will be dead the next year. we would go (most of the time, it depended on whose birthday it was) and always laughed at how she has been threatening to die for so long now, better she do it fast. on her last birthday, i paid a surprise visit to her house and slept there. she had just turned eighty and before i went to sleep, she cried and thanked me for coming because, as always, i was her favorite grandchild
> 
> the last amazing iconic episode i had with her was two months ago when she asked my grandfather for a smartphone. we went to the samsung store and there she declared she wanted a smartphone AND a tablet. chaos begins. my grandmother claiming they knew each other for 60 years, my grandfather saying he won't pay for it and the poor salesman trying to appease both and getting rudely cut off by my grandad. a trip that was supposed to only take thirty minutes lasted for two whole hours, these two stubborn-heads not giving up on what they were set to do! i was switzerland for the entire evening, but it was hard not to barge in when my grandmother literally raised her 5 year old stone-age phone, threatening to hit my grandpa with it
> 
> ah. good times
> 
> in the end, these memories will stay with me forever and for that i’m thankful. do not fight the death of others you love, accept them and the moments you had together. my grandmother’s white carnation necklace will be one of her flowery shirts that i plan on stealing soon and that’s enough for me. i know that, being the fervent roman catholic woman she was, she would have wished me to pray for her, but i do no such things. instead, i write. it was the way i found for me to express my love and appreciation for this woman who did so much for me and how much i will miss her, even if it’s not enough. i know you don’t know english (in fact always praising my skills) and i don’t know what became of you right now, but again, dedicatory notes for the dead are most of the time for the living and this is my way to cope, but it doesn’t make it less valid. this is for the woman who spoiled me rotten ever since i was little, the woman who hurt me a lot sometimes but learned from her mistakes, the woman who protected me until the very very end and whose face lit up every single time she saw me
> 
> this is for you, helena
> 
> //  
> i write taeil pairing fics and hyuckil texts aus [twt](https://twitter.com/thegreatmoon94) [cc](https://curiouscat.me/thegreatmoon94)
> 
> sol


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